Long time, no write!
Life tends to intervene with our silliest pursuits, but amidst the hustle, an idea has been festering within me ever since the Nastygram RPG Podcast embarked on their new D&D arc, A Tangled Web.
As many of you know, I'm not steeped in the lore of nerd-dom—I mean, D&D—so diving into this new realm required some research. Some of the Nastygram crew tried to lure me into more, uhhm, mature territory with what could only be described as smut, but my exploration has remained strictly within the realm of SFW content (so far…). However, delving into the depths of the Underdark, I found myself captivated by Lolth, sparking a return to my creative roots.
Musings of a Polyhedron first sprang from some tongue-in-cheek vampire limericks and a playful parody of No Doubt’s "Just a Girl" with "Just a Ghoul." Crafting that piece remains a highlight of my writing endeavour. Other people lucky enough to have been a teenager in the mid/late 90s may recall another catchy, but let’s be honest, not quite as good tune from the Tragic Kingdom album, “Spiderwebs”. Needless to say, Lolth’s dark influence inspired a somewhat chilling rewrite of that tune.
I don’t want to give any spoilers, but erm… trigger warning for child sacrifice.
Spider Queen (Spiderwebs Parody) You see the web I've spun, The allure of power’s begun, My words weaving through your thoughts, Promising strength that can't be bought. And now you're stuck in the, The web I’m spinning, Now, pray to me my prey. Yes, I am a narcissist, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs, Spin ‘em in my name, Unravel not the threads, but spin chaos, Spin it in my name. You must fight for my favour, Spilling blood, a cruel labour, Culling the weak is my decree, With violence, prove fealty. My machinations, a dark, insidious invasion, A plot to dominate. Yes, I am a narcissist, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs, Spin ‘em in my name, Unravel not the threads, but spin chaos, Spin it in my name. Offer your children, You’ve got to kill ‘em, Sacrificed children, For me, you’ve got to kill ‘em. Worship’s gone real deep (worship’s gone real deep), Their wails comfort my sleep (wails comfort my sleep), Their anguish fuels my might (anguish fuels my might), Underdark’s eternal night. Yes, I am a narcissist, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs, Spin ‘em in my name, Unravel not the threads, but spin chaos, Spin it in my name. Offer your children, You’ve got to kill ‘em, Sacrificed-crificed-crificed children, For me, you’ve got to kill ‘em. Oh, Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name. Offer your children, You’ve got to kill ‘em, Sacrificed-crificed-crificed children, For me, you’ve got to kill ‘em. Offer your children, Offer your children, Sacrificed children, Sacrificed children. Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs, Spin ‘em in my name, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs, Spin ‘em in my name, Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name (sacrificed children). Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name (offer your children). Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name (you’ve got to kill ‘em). Pray to me, your Spider Queen, Spin chaos webs spin ‘em in my name.
The ideas in this parody song are heavily borrowed from the Forgotten Realms Wiki including this basic prayer to Lolth, and reddit posts suggesting Lolth LOVES a child sacrifice.
Personally, despite not feeling like an overly people-ly person, I’m not a big fan of any form of sacrifice, be it adult or child. I prefer those around me to remain alive. Just in case you were concerned after reading those lyrics.
Until next time, may your imagination weave tales as intricate as Lolth's webs.
Liv
Hell yeah, Liv!
I played the song while I read this. It is EPIC, thank you for the 3+ minutes of happiness.